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19th December 2008
The ones we keep on missing–Eileen Chang 有些人我們一直在錯過–張愛玲 (Tr: Aka)
The ones we keep on missing – Eileen Chang (Translated by: Aka)
There are people who never had the chance to meet; when the chance came, they hesitate, and decide that it would be better not to meet.There are things that you never had the opportunity to do; when the opportunity came, you no longer want to do them.There are words long hidden in your heart, with no time to say them; but when the moment came, you could no longer speak those words.There is love that you never had the chance to love; when the chance came, you no longer love.There are people that had many chances to meet, but always found an excuse to postpone; when they want to meet, the chance is lost.There are words that in many occasions you could have said, but thought could be saved until later; when you wish to speak them, the moment is gone.There were things that you had many chances to do, but delayed them day after day; when you want to do them, it is too late.There is love that gave you many chances, but you did not care for or value them; when you finally want to cherish them, it is no longer there.Isn’t life so very ironic sometimes?You turn your back once, and it becomes a lifetime.The promise was to be together for eternity, somehow you parted. In the end, no matter how hard you think it over, you just cannot figure out what it was that broke apart the two of you. Then, you suddenly realize, human emotions are so fragile. You can brave the storms together, but cannot survive ordinary life; in the same boat during the rough seas, but when the sky cleared you go on your separate ways. Perhaps it was just to spite the other; perhaps it was for something minor. You imagined the sweet day when you reconcile, or the embrace when you meet again. At that time, you would cry as you lightly taunt each other, and smile like a fool. It would’ve been a beautiful picture.You did not know that once you said good bye, it was forever.And so, you each have your own lives, each love another. You were in love, but are now strangers.Even in the same small city, you never meet again. In some day some hour, walking down the same street, you could not see that other person sighed, and then wondered what could’ve been done.Perhaps you are very happy because you have found another suitable for you.Perhaps you are unhappy, because in your entire life, only that one person truly gave you her whole heart.And for a long long time, you didn’t hear of that person, and you did not think of that person, perhaps, you did not want to.---
12/18/08 T/N: My first attempt at Eileen Chang. Not a particularly good one. I’m not a huge fan of hers, but some of her thoughts are very descriptive of a progressively thinking woman’s struggle with her limiting environment, not that I am one. I am fortunate to be born in a world where women are much better situated socially and as a result, given more opportunities to explore their abilities. Hurray~ :p And yes, I took small liberties with the translation here and there, but I think the ideas are all present.原文 Original
有些人我們一直在錯過 – 張愛玲有些人一直沒機會見，等有機會見了，卻又猶豫了，相見不如不見。有些事一直沒機會做，等有機會了，卻不想再做了。有些話埋藏在心中好久，沒機會說，等有機會說的時候，卻說不出口了。有些愛一直沒機會愛，等有機會了，已經不愛了。有些人很多機會相見的，卻總找藉口推脫，想見的時候已經沒機會了。有些話有很多機會說的，卻想著以後再說，要說的時候，已經沒機會了。有些事有很多機會做的，卻一天一天推遲，想做的時候卻發現沒機會了。有些愛給了你很多機會，卻不在意沒在乎，想重視的時候已經沒機會愛了。人生有時候，總是很諷刺。一轉身可能就是一世。說好永遠的，不知怎麼就散了。最後自己想來想去竟然也搞不清當初是什麼原因分開彼此的。然後，你忽然醒悟，感情原來是這麼脆弱的。經得起風雨，卻經不起平凡；風雨同船，天晴便各自散了。也許只是賭氣，也許只是因為小小的事。幻想著和好的甜蜜，或重逢時的擁抱，那個時候會是邊流淚邊捶打對方，還傻笑著。該是多美的畫面。没想到的是，一别竟是一辈子了。於是，各有各的生活，各自愛著別的人。曾經相愛，現在已互不相干。即使在同一個小小的城市，也不曾再相逢。某一天某一刻，走在同一條街，也看不見對方先是感嘆，後來是無奈。也許你很幸福，因為找到另一個適合自己的人。也許你不幸福，因為可能你這一生就只有那個人真正用心在你身上。很久很久，沒有對方的消息，也不再想起這個人，也是不想再想起。
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Sze K. Aka Chan's Posterous
歸去，也無風雨也無晴。
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