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24th October 2010
Love & Marriage V
已經有許久沒有用中文寫一篇文章，久到我差不多忘掉如何用這些優美的詞句來編織心裏的話。很久以前，我曾經翻譯過12句據説會讓人心疼的話。沒有經歷過那些心痛情景的人，或許不能理解。但是我卻認爲，只要你有靈性悟性，你並不用經歷世間所有的悲痛也可以了解到這些悲痛所帶來的傷害以及成長。此時，看到別人訝異的悲歡離合，我只剩下會心一笑。
我是一個矛盾的人。我絕對相信命運，但是我也絕對相信個人的力量。就算命運如此，在一件事情發生之後你如何對待它，其實是凴你自己的決定。
很多人認爲愛是觸摸不到的。它要降臨你阻止不了它，它要離開你同樣無可奈何。這當然是事實。但這也是一種逃避責任的説法。你愛一個人，你該如何對待這份愛？如果你愛她，你當然會時刻記挂她，希望為她做一點事，花多點時間為她選擇一份你希望會最讓她開心的禮物。這無關男女，只是單純地想為一個重要的人做一點事。在愛中，我們很容易會迷失了自己，因爲自己已經成爲這份愛的一部分了。
如果有一天你失去這種動力心思，不再用心猜測她最近迷上的小玩意，不再特別在意她，執著為她挑選出最好的髮夾，到了那個時候，分開或許並不是一個難看的結局。
感情並不可恥。同樣，感情的失去，可以看做可惜，也可以説是可貴， 是結束，也是開端。
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12th June 2010
Love and Marriage IV
This is a typical scenario. There are two people - One drives you mad, the other gives you peace. One makes you sad, the other tries to cheer you up. One tears your heart apart, the other soothes it with love and care. Why do people usually end up remembering or choosing the former one? It's a strange trick that our minds and hearts like to play on us. We tend to like adventure, conquering, directing, proving one's worth through relationships... but forget that love is more about sharing and compromising. It's usually not the person who fits you perfectly, it's the person whose faults you can stand.I always felt that if I spend too much time with someone I like/love, I would have less time to spend with this person in the future. That is, the time that we get to spend together is finite... limited. And I try to ration it out... and enjoy it later (the typical save the best for last). I was afraid that the more I spend, the less I have. Well, with novels, it's said that you put the three best chapters in front and another good one at the end... but that's not life.Regardless of what happens in the future, in the present moment, we should all treat our significant others or just people we care about in general with love and respect. Recent years there have been case after case of failed marriages/long term relationships around me, and I think the reason is not only that we grow apart as we mature and move forward in life, but also that we sometimes just tend to do the wrong things for the right reasons: considering practical reasons instead of personal/emotional reasons when deciding on who to marry; deciding to stay with someone because we feel obligated to do so, now because we want to do so; thinking that we're not going to find anyone better... etc. Perhaps I'm still naive, but I do firmly believe that when one marries, it should be to someone whom he/she has a deep intellectual, emotional and physical bond with. It has to be external, yes (we all need to consider life and perhaps even future generations), but it MUST be internal as well (Love seems now such a contrived word... but it gets the point across). Otherwise, it will come back to kick you in the @$$ some time in the future. Promise.[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Happy alone, or suffer together?"][/caption]
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13th May 2010
Love and Marriage III: One True Love
Recently, I had many conversations with people about finding the “ONE TRUE LOVE” (DUNDUNDUN)… and of course, most of us know that this does not exist.There are still people who believe in finding their true love. To those I give them my wholehearted support and well wishes. It takes a great deal of strength to be able to continue what most people may consider childish dream. This is not meant to be a post against those people because I have the utmost respect for them. I speak only from personal experience (which includes what I’ve witnessed in other’s lives).Saying that there’s no one true love does not mean one cannot love or that love is just a hopeless mirage. We all love, we all love different people differently at different times. Then there are those specific ones, who, at specific times, seem like the perfect one for us. But we are people, we grow, and we change.Change is one of the most wonderful things about life, it is also one of the most difficult things to deal with in life. When we are in love, we don’t want love to change. When we have comfort, we don’t want comfort to go away. When we have a good job, we always want to stay in the same place. But then we change… and we are not happy anymore with what we have. The person who seemed perfect just yesterday seems to have habits that are just that tiny bit less tolerable. Comfort gets old and boring. A good job seems to come with lack of movement.[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Joint in life and... its representation."][/caption]When we meet that “someone” at a certain time, it’s when our paths cross and you are both at a point in time when you want to create a beautiful bond. We want to walk our separate paths as one. But the path of life continues, and perhaps we reach a point where we diverge and can no longer see the same future. Some people struggle on and manage to return to the same path, and some just never manage to do so. We walk further and further away, until we suddenly one day find that we no longer recognize the person next to us.Yes, this is the reality of change, yet it is also what keeps the world turning. We cannot stop it, therefore we must accept it and learn to live with it. Love itself transforms. One of my favorite authors San Mao say that once love for a man/woman turns into love for a family member, that’s when it will extend to a lifetime. It’s sad, but also beautiful… because it’s part of life, and part of nature.I no longer believe in happily ever after, but I do very much believe in Love.
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28th September 2009
Love and Marriage II
Everyone has been telling me that once you find that special person, everything just falls into place. You don’t have to put in a lot of effort to make it work and wear yourself down, it just works somehow, and any effort that you put in and any compromises you make won’t seem to be that much of a sacrifice. It will all come very easily.
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="320" caption="On my way toward you..."][/caption]The truth is, the search/wait is for someone worthy of Me. (This "me" could be used by anyone) I know who I am. I know that I am a good person and can bring immense happiness to people. I deserve the best You. This is not quite being self-absorbed. There's a difference between being self-confident and self-absorbed. The former requires a strong Ego controlled by the Id, and the latter by simply a strong and renewed Ego with a clear and even balance between the Id and the Super-Ego.Of course, that said, life is just... what it will be. We never know what will happen in our lives, especially when it comes to love and relationships. A friend of mine asked me a while back that if I had to choose between a successful career or a loving husband/family, what would I choose. Without any hesitation I chose a husband (to her extreme surprise). A year ago, it may have been different. Then again, a year ago if I was asked whether or not I would want a child I would have shook my head vehemently. Now, I would answer: with the right person, yes. I can work for and attain a great career, but I can't ask destiny to grant me the perfect husband (they don't exist, btw lol). So... in comparison, we are that much more fragile when it comes to relationships.I was talking to a friend much older and he made the comment: "what can I say. Guys are dumb. They don't know what they want." He also said that life is about choices and compromises, and that he wished he were my age again, armed with the knowledge that he has now. And I am thankful that I have already attained that knowledge.This is from someone in his fifties with a big happy family and has probably gone through 3 successful careers (so far), so there's something interesting in that comment. Perhaps his unwillingness to compromise, no doubt due to his confidence in himself and his own brilliance had caused him to suffer some damaging loses that he could had prevented had he been willing to compromise. Everyone has a story. Listen up, guys... perhaps you should take a second look at the people around you. You always complain that you don't meet the right girl... but perhaps You are just not looking the right way. Perhaps You don't know to look the right way yet.And so, as my search continues, I go on my merry way to continue to improve myself, so that when/if the right person comes along, I am wise enough to recognize him, brave enough to grab hold to him (much like opportunities), and good enough to keep him. May destiny help me. :)P.s. Again, YES, I do mean a GUY. I love pretty and smart and cute girls... but not THAT way. >_< T_T X_X
有人說，每到選擇的時候，都是痛苦的。曾經，我的想法也是同樣。我甚至曾經想過，如果沒有選擇的權利，人(我)是否過得更快樂，今天的我卻改變了。我們不能讓所有人快樂，但是我們可以盡量讓自己與身邊的人更快樂。能夠選擇是一種權利，並不是所有人都能擁有的。當不好的事情發生，你可以怨天尤人，也可以嘗試去改變。當你遇上兩個你可以選擇相伴一生的人，你要想的不是如果選擇了其中一個會失去什麽，而是哪一個人更可以與你互相遷就。人生中，總會有一些時候是充滿矛盾與痛苦的。沒有人是完美的。如果你覺得有某兩個人合起來會是完美的人，或許你還沒有學會怎樣去愛。因爲愛不但是那人可以為你付出什麽，更是你能不能去包容那個人的缺點，相反亦然。
一個人，最重要的不是在今天想著以後沒有遺憾，而是今天沒有遺憾。做人做事，要對得起天地良心。如果你做每一件事情都是正面積極地去做，或許就不會有什麽失去的遺憾。 -
12th June 2009
Love and Marriage I
2008 was the first time I had to deal with a potential divorce between two people I knew (there were other cases, but I only knew one of the parties)... and from then on, this concept of "divorce" became ever so real to me. Now that it's 2009, I am learning, slowly, painfully, but surely, that marriage and love may be very different things. There are so many different kinds of relationships around me that each time I think I've heard it all, something new and explosive surfaces. So I've basically given up trying to think that I know a lot (or anything!) about love and relationships.Of course, some of my friends are still very passionate about finding their soulmate, whom they expect to marry and live happily ever after with. I applaud them. May this passion never die and their quest be successful. But I personally am coming to realize and accept the idea that the person you love the most may not be the one that you marry, the one you marry may not be the one you spend the rest of your life with, whom you consider your soulmate may be someone you absolutely cannot live with, some people may just be better with tons of girlfriends and one wife (but otherwise a perfect husband to his wife)... etc etc. I've had friends married and divorced in a year; I've had friends who basically see their husbands as "business partners" - able to stand and work with each other, but don't emotionally depend on each other (Clintons?); I've had friends who allow their husbands to have girlfriends/flings as long as they're honest to each other (a man's dream, right? :p)... there's just so much. The more I learn, the more I know I do not understand. But I stand, humbled, by the complex ever evolving organism that is human emotions.Fundamentally though, I still believe that marriage, be it only a piece of paper, is a very real and conscious commitment that you make to someone you love very much. When you make this commitment, you know that you will be giving up many things, but if you work at it, you will also gain many things.Every turn in life requires a (lot of) sacrifice(s), but if life were a straight line instead of a series of find(write)-your-own-adventures, we would never realize how fortunate we are to have the ability to reason and make decisions.But of course, that's my personal opinion. There are many people in this world who live by a different doctrine and have lived rather well. I don't have the right to judge (and try hard not to). As long as people claim responsibility for their own actions, really, it's none of my business.
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Sze K. Aka Chan's Posterous
歸去，也無風雨也無晴。
Walking the Fool's Journey.79316 ViewsTwitterFacebook -
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