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20th January 2010
Zen (1) 禪意 (一)
Zen (1)
（席慕容 Xi Murong，Translation: Aka）What was said, or left unsaid
were forgotten
when you left
silently.I let my tears hide
in the pages of this book.
Just like
those few Jasmine blossoms
from our youth.Perhaps in an afternoon yet to come
they will take flight
suddenly
into a fragrant-less, sound-less
void.And perhaps, at that time
outside the window
there would be rain
falling
ever so gently.
禪意（一）
當你沉默地離去
說過的 或沒說過的話
都已忘記
我將我的哭泣也夾在
書頁裏 好像
我們年輕時的那幾朵茉莉
也許會在多年後的
一個黃昏裏
從偶然翻開的扉頁中落下
沒有芳香 再無聲息
窗外那時 也許
會正落著細細的細細的雨 -
28th November 2009
This Crazy November
Now that the end to this horrible month is drawing near, I can do a brief summary of the end result of the crazy events that took place earlier in the month. There were other insane events that happened this month, including close relatives of very good friends passing away, one of my best friends' father having gotten into an accident and she herself was rushed to the ER and found out she was loaded with bacteria and viruses... it's not been pleasant. But there's no point looking back or moping, we can only gather our thoughts around what we have to be thankful for, and love those that are important to us even more...[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Seeking serenity."][/caption]My dad's car has been examined by the other car owner's insurance company. Well, at least that's done for now. The rest of it is out of our hands. We no longer have a car, but I'd like to think that it's for a reason.My mom was finally released from the hospital the day before Thanksgiving after spending almost a month in there. I can't even imagine how much pain and suffering she went through. For these weeks, the only time the family was able to be together was if my dad and I happened to be at the hospital at the same time. We tried to stagger our visits so she can have company for more times during the day. Her hospital experience warrants another post, but I'll write that one if I have the energy.My low blood pressure issue is finally under control so I don't feel like I'm about to fall over anymore. However, a few times this month I totally lost the peace and calm that I felt earlier. I always that you couldn't lose it once you had it, like learning to ride a bicycle or swim... but I was wrong. The stress, lack of sleep, and overload of life just took over and I had a few flip outs. But it was a good lesson for me. I know I have much to learn... and to always be vigilant... because no, I am not immune to everything.Let's all look forward to a better end of the year and a new year with new blessings.
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5th November 2009
About those scary status updates
Since my status updates have been sort of morbid, I decided to write something to sort out what's happening to me (to avoid questions and more melodramatics):My grandfather passed away two weeks ago. Even at that time, my mom had been sick for a while, so she was not able to return to China to attend the funeral.After an unpleasant episode with some friends on Halloween, I woke up on marathon day to get news that my mom might need to go to the hospital. After sending a message to my friend letting her know that I would not be present to congratulate her on completing the marathon, my mom decided to go on a different medication to avoid the hospital and then kicked me out the door.Less than an hour or so after meeting up with friends at the marathon, I got a call from mom that my dad was in a car accident. Fortunately, everyone in both vehicles was ok (the other car ran a stop sign and my dad, not being able to break in time, ran into them. Mind you, this was a 90+ year old couple, and the granny was driving. Then they claimed they were too old to wait, then drove off. Yeesh. These old grannies are scary. So now the car is officially undrivable.The next day, my mom finally checked herself into the hospital to avoid having to call an ambulance when symptoms got worse because our local zoned hospital is... er... a hell hole. Yes, for those of you who didn't know, our hospital are actually in pretty bad shape. The same day, I somehow lost my planner, which lets me sort out my stupidly cramped schedule, and that put me into another frenzy.During this whole period, I've been having some (more than usual) low blood pressure issues. Either I wake up in the morning very dizzy and seeing stars and the world spinning, or like this morning, with limbs all tingly and unable to move. But then two hectic phone calls came from aunts who called the hospital while my mom was having severe chills (bordering on seizure), were freaked out, and told me to get there asap. So I dragged myself out of bed, got to the hospital without falling into the subway tracks, and after helping my dad "ice down" my mom's temperature (interesting how you go back to the good old "ice in rubber gloves" method despite being in a modern hospital), persuaded him to go home to get some rest and food, chatted up the nurses (and left my info all around), peeled an apple (I had been told that if I ever became jobless I can be a professional apple peeler... lol), called aunts to calm them down and tell them not to go to the hospital lest they catch something and pass it to their families... and left.Within an hour after I left I get more calls from mom complaining about the hospital and that she wants to switch hospitals (because, of course, she spoke to "knowledgeable people", i.e. her hospital roommate's kids) despite being happy with this particular one the day before (b/c they had good food and Chinese speaking doctors). So I called and spoke with her PCP and her physician in charge at the hospital, then persuaded her to stay for at least for one more day for the specialists to come in and check her condition.Then it was time to wrestle with the police station bureaucracy for the report for my dad's car accident, which was finally ready and we'll pick up tomorrow. This was when my coworker suggested maybe I should go see a therapist. ^^; But... I'm trying to hold on to my zen... so that I don't actually have to end up going to a therapist.November has proven to be rather the testing month for me. Last year I had surgery and had my heart broken and almost went insane. This year... well... yea.... The most important lesson I've learned this past year is that when there seems to be no end to shit in sight, just "toughen up" and take it one thing at a time. There's no point to thinking about it all or mulling over things. *Overthinking* is usually what's damaging to one's spirit. However, checking with yourself emotionally is good from time to time too. And at least I have more tools this time around to deal. It's important to remember to not chase yourself into a chasm of depression.Life will always throw you these curve balls. It's really about how good your skills are at handling them. I see this as a test for putting everything I've learned, especially in the past year, to use. Car not drivable? Well, it was a crappy car and I don't want my dad driving anyway. Lost planner? Maybe it's time to migrate to online one (it was a bit ridiculous to have 2 planners and 2 to-do lists anyway). And mom's condition? Well thank goodness I'm here...And I also appreciate all the support from friends. Thank you all. So far, I'm ok. -
29th October 2009
The Fool’s Journey III
When you are about to do something crazy or brilliant... or both, you may hear little nagging voices in your head telling you how insane you are and how you're making all these mistakes. Well, as my wonderful Issan told me once: It's All Mind PoopHere's the wisdom I got from my zen master. Our minds are made up of all sorts of craziness: the past, our upbringing, our friends and family, our environment, our video games (!?)... etc. You have absolutely no control over what you are thinking. But when you realize that you have absolutely no control over it, you then have absolute control over it. Really, do you want to be drenched in mind poop all the time? The Fool is the happiest when he is neither here nor there, but on the way.Just remember: you have to let go of the bad as well as the good.[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="320" caption="It's all in the mind."][/caption]
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21st April 2009
Beauty and Zen in an Unlikely Setting
[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="207" caption="Yum!"]
[/caption]This is a photo of me at Hiroko's Place that many people have seen. The gigantic and endlessly delicious green tea parfait is the focus of this picture of course... and from then on, Hiroko's became one of my favorite places in the city. It's a bit pricey, but the food is good, the setting is wonderful, and the service is top notch. It's basically a place that serves Japanese style "Western Food"... such as "omu-rice" (think omlet+rice+a happy face written with ketchup). I love ordering their seafood doria, then their green tea parfait, and end with the British milk tea (tea brewed IN milk). Mmmmm.... hard on the wallet, but so good for the tummy (?) and soul. The decoration is all artwork from a collection of local artists and range from esoteric to funky, complete with shelves of manga that guests are welcomed to read.The other day, I took a few friends there (one of them really craved omu-rice) and happened upon a rather pleasant surprise... (wouldn't you figure) in the bathroom. I noticed these beautiful pictures on the wall and (yes) kept on going back to the bathroom to take another look... the more I looked the more I liked... and I finally couldn't help it but ask the waitress about the artist who did these. Fortunately, they had her name on the bottom of the menu and also her website.What touched me so deeply is the simplicity and profound wisdom contained within these pictures. We all *know* the messages that are in these pictures, but do we really understand them? It's not until you get to the point in your life that the message finally hits you right in the gut - Oh! So that's how it must feel! Yes, we all have to feel it. And I did. I hope that if you haven't yet, that you will feel it some time. Of course, all feelings are fleeting, but that doesn't take away from the moment when we actually experience them! That's what makes life so interesting and lovable!The artist is a lovely lady named Junko Miyakoshi. Of course... being the super proactive (?) dork that I am, I contacted her about her artwork and she was kind enough to create desktop wallpapers for me! The pictures below are edited from the originals. You should go check out the originals if you want to see the full picture. She has them (and her other artworks) up on her website.It's the most encouraging and moving thing when an artist gets an email or a post from a stranger or friend regarding her craft, be it art, writing, etc. As a writer (er), I completely understand how it is and I am glad that I let her know how much her artwork touched me and influenced me in a positive way. Please do drop by her website to let her know if you like her art... and if you want to see them in person, just go to Hiroko's... and check out the adorable bathroom. :)
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="233" caption="What seems impossible are from limitations you set upon yourself."][/caption]
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="233" caption="Successful or not, winning or losing, the journey is more important than the result."][/caption]
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="233" caption="Every parting is the start of a new beginning."][/caption]
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="233" caption="When you know pain, you will come to understand true happiness."][/caption]
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="233" caption="Kindness needs no reason."][/caption]
All translations are adapted from the translations by Junko-san. Junko-san, ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA!
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Sze K. Aka Chan's Posterous
歸去，也無風雨也無晴。
Walking the Fool's Journey.79312 ViewsTwitterFacebook -
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