Since my status updates have been sort of morbid, I decided to write something to sort out what’s happening to me (to avoid questions and more melodramatics):
My grandfather passed away two weeks ago. Even at that time, my mom had been sick for a while, so she was not able to return to China to attend the funeral.
After an unpleasant episode with some friends on Halloween, I woke up on marathon day to get news that my mom might need to go to the hospital. After sending a message to my friend letting her know that I would not be present to congratulate her on completing the marathon, my mom decided to go on a different medication to avoid the hospital and then kicked me out the door.
Less than an hour or so after meeting up with friends at the marathon, I got a call from mom that my dad was in a car accident. Fortunately, everyone in both vehicles was ok (the other car ran a stop sign and my dad, not being able to break in time, ran into them. Mind you, this was a 90+ year old couple, and the granny was driving. Then they claimed they were too old to wait, then drove off. Yeesh. These old grannies are scary. So now the car is officially undrivable.
The next day, my mom finally checked herself into the hospital to avoid having to call an ambulance when symptoms got worse because our local zoned hospital is… er… a hell hole. Yes, for those of you who didn’t know, our hospital are actually in pretty bad shape. The same day, I somehow lost my planner, which lets me sort out my stupidly cramped schedule, and that put me into another frenzy.
During this whole period, I’ve been having some (more than usual) low blood pressure issues. Either I wake up in the morning very dizzy and seeing stars and the world spinning, or like this morning, with limbs all tingly and unable to move. But then two hectic phone calls came from aunts who called the hospital while my mom was having severe chills (bordering on seizure), were freaked out, and told me to get there asap. So I dragged myself out of bed, got to the hospital without falling into the subway tracks, and after helping my dad “ice down” my mom’s temperature (interesting how you go back to the good old “ice in rubber gloves” method despite being in a modern hospital), persuaded him to go home to get some rest and food, chatted up the nurses (and left my info all around), peeled an apple (I had been told that if I ever became jobless I can be a professional apple peeler… lol), called aunts to calm them down and tell them not to go to the hospital lest they catch something and pass it to their families… and left.
Within an hour after I left I get more calls from mom complaining about the hospital and that she wants to switch hospitals (because, of course, she spoke to “knowledgeable people”, i.e. her hospital roommate’s kids) despite being happy with this particular one the day before (b/c they had good food and Chinese speaking doctors). So I called and spoke with her PCP and her physician in charge at the hospital, then persuaded her to stay for at least for one more day for the specialists to come in and check her condition.
Then it was time to wrestle with the police station bureaucracy for the report for my dad’s car accident, which was finally ready and we’ll pick up tomorrow. This was when my coworker suggested maybe I should go see a therapist. ^^; But… I’m trying to hold on to my zen… so that I don’t actually have to end up going to a therapist.
November has proven to be rather the testing month for me. Last year I had surgery and had my heart broken and almost went insane. This year… well… yea…. The most important lesson I’ve learned this past year is that when there seems to be no end to shit in sight, just “toughen up” and take it one thing at a time. There’s no point to thinking about it all or mulling over things. *Overthinking* is usually what’s damaging to one’s spirit. However, checking with yourself emotionally is good from time to time too. And at least I have more tools this time around to deal. It’s important to remember to not chase yourself into a chasm of depression.
Life will always throw you these curve balls. It’s really about how good your skills are at handling them. I see this as a test for putting everything I’ve learned, especially in the past year, to use. Car not drivable? Well, it was a crappy car and I don’t want my dad driving anyway. Lost planner? Maybe it’s time to migrate to online one (it was a bit ridiculous to have 2 planners and 2 to-do lists anyway). And mom’s condition? Well thank goodness I’m here…
And I also appreciate all the support from friends. Thank you all. So far, I’m ok.
VoCaL
Family, Friendship, Zen
